I’ve found that in life, just like in business, I must apply mental discipline and self-awareness to leverage my flexibility and mobility training, especially when external forces disrupt my routine and my well-being.
When I’ve experienced trauma, family loss, and heartache, you’ll find me hitting the mat, working, or moving my body in some way. Some positions can bring on tears; some movements can release stored anger, hidden resentment, and even rage.
“The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm.” ― Confucius.
Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
The lesson I practice is to allow my body to run with whatever comes to the surface and release it through acknowledgment: “Oh, I sense sadness, there you are. Welcome, my old friend,” as I move through my training routine. The key is to practice allowance without dropping into mental interference, such as the conjecture storylines or mental bubblegum analysis my mind likes to serve up.
For example, in the middle of a heavy squat session, tears have streamed down my face as my body processes the emotional aftermath of a heavy-duty life lesson. The concentrated 80kg load of the Olympic bar across my upper traps and back keeps me anchored and present with the emotion, where I am mentally and physically unable to escape myself. This refusal to abandon myself in the presence of discomfort is the entire foundation of the practice.
Through training my body day after day, and refusing to abandon myself the moment discomfort shows up, I build trust not only with myself but also with the body. Where I can gently lean into the sharp edges of emotional discomfort—the sharp edges of life—and not (run) away from it. And that’s the point. Leaning in builds self-reliance, resilience, reduces insecurity, and most importantly for me, self-trust that no matter what happens, I’m strong and capable enough to have my own back and protect my six.
The last thing I ever want to do is resist anything my body brings to the surface, because I understand that doing so works against my body’s inner intelligence.
When a Season Delivers Challenges
My favorite retreat during a season of challenge is to dive deep into my body, whether it’s a comforting deep forward bend on the mat or an overhead hang to breathe and decompress my spine.
In these moments, I experience the deep connection to my body’s incredible intelligence and its natural ability to release stored tension and stagnant emotional energy. Each lengthening movement helps keep me centered in the present moment, provided I take the time to tune into it. If my mind drifts into past/future thought drama, my body instantly tells me this; it begins to stiffen or tighten up.
To reconnect back into my body, I find that if I exhale and mentally follow the breath out to its natural conclusion, there in the gap—the pause before needing to breathe again—is a feeling of great peace, expansion, inner stillness, and silence. Thoughts stop, emotions cease. This is my felt experience of true present moment awareness.
The Perils of the Inflatable Beach Ball
The same principle applies to exercise. Moving my body gently or strenuously in times of emotional turmoil like grief, fear, or anger, and simply allowing that emotional pain to be there (for me, often a felt sensation in the heart or pit of the stomach), offers such a release and freedom. The more I resist these feelings, the more the pressure builds. Much like holding an inflatable beachball underwater, eventually, the resistance will tire me out, and it will pop up with great speed and intensity, bringing with it a surge of suppressed unresourceful energy, leading to negative consequences. It simply is easier to allow and process, not resist and suppress.
My Best Tips For Backbends
I always work within my personal range. If areas like my wrists, hips, triceps, elbows, chest, or shoulders feel restricted, I know I won’t reach full extension, so I thoroughly warm them up beforehand.
Don’t Rush or Force: I use deliberate movement at all times. I wait until my breathing and body feel ready to extend—I know I’m ready when my breathing is calm—and only then do I proceed
The Lift: As I lift up, I keep my hands close to my ears, my feet close to my glutes, and gently push away from the floor
The Hold: I hold my extension and breathe for 10 cycles (no huffing and absolutely no breath-holding)
Focus Point: The movement and extension must come from my thoracic spine, shoulders, lats, and triceps—NOT my lower back
Capacity: I recognize I need good shoulder strength and flexibility to safely carry the load of my body weight.
Additional Form Pointers
Extension Goal: I work to straighten my arms and legs as much as possible (this is my current work-in-progress goal)
Feet: I keep my feet flat. Staying off my toes is a compensation for inflexibility somewhere in the kinetic chain
Gaze: I keep my gaze on the tip of my nose and my eyes soft (defocused)
Lowering: I exhale and slowly lower; I do not crash to the floor.
The Benefits: Physical, Mental, and Emotional
This entire movement engages every muscle in my body, giving my spine the ultimate stretch.
Physical: Backbends warm my system, increase flexibility in my central line of support, strengthen weak back muscles, and open my chest. This promotes better breathing and unwinds “computer hunchback.” It’s also an excellent hip aligner for balanced squats.
Mental/Emotional: The back extension helps me embrace the unknown, trusting that my body won’t break under the load as I allow the discomfort. It increases determination and willpower, which is great when I embark on a new goal or have had a tough session.
Sidenote: This movement takes time to master. I remind myself not to rush and to be patient and gentle with my body. You may experience temporary “broken blood vessels” in the face or around the eyes due to the pressure/gravity/body weight.
3 Protocols I Use for Soft Life Resilience
I Anchor Emotional Release in Physical Load. When emotional discomfort surfaces, I deliberately engage in heavy training (like squatting) or intense movement. The weight/load keeps me mentally and physically anchored in the present with the raw emotion, preventing me from abandoning myself (self-abandonment drives up insecurity) or bolting into mental analysis to escape. Rather, I use the workout intensity to process and release the emotion through my body.
I Use the Body’s Stiffening as a Guide. If my mind begins to drift into past or future thought drama, my body gives me instant feedback by stiffening or tightening up (usually this is felt in my jaw, temples, traps/neck, glutes, and hamstrings). I use this physical cue to immediately return my attention to my breath and my body. I physically find the gap in the breath—the pause after the full exhale—to access a feeling of inner peace and true present moment awareness.
I Practice Allowance Over Resistance (The Beach Ball Rule). I recognize that resisting or suppressing emotions builds internal pressure that will inevitably “pop” with explosive, destructive energy. I consciously choose to acknowledge and allow any emotion that surfaces in my body (“Welcome, my old friend”) without mental interference. This protocol ensures I gently process the emotion rather than suffering the negative consequences of suppression. For example, have you ever had an overreaction to something minor in your environment (traffic, anyone?) That is often a sign of beachball suppression in action.
3 Self-Coach Takeaways
The body’s intelligence is my safest retreat.
Leaning into sharp emotional edges builds self-trust.
I gain inner strength by embracing flexibility, not rigidity.
Your Self-Coaching Questions
Engaging with these questions isn’t just thinking—it’s a direct practice of self-reflection that unlocks a powerful form of intelligence and accelerates your movement toward personal mastery. By diving into this self-inquiry, you are actively gaining deep insight into your own hidden motivations, triggers, and internal resistance. Use the following questions as a check-in to gain clarity, build self-trust, and reduce insecurity.
Resistance & Allowance
If I chose to lean into this discomfort instead of escaping it, what would I discover about my strength?
What “should“ about this situation is preventing me from accepting the present reality?
Self-Trust & Sovereignty
What small, mindful movement can I make to remind my body that I am present and safe?
What is the smallest action I can take right now to honor my boundaries and maintain my peace?
The Body as Anchor
What is my body trying to signal to me through this physical tension (e.g., headache, tight jaw)?
Can I mentally follow my breath (without distraction) all the way out to the natural pause, and what do I find there?
Where can I actively create space in my body right now (shoulders, jaw, spine)?
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Until next time.
Bianca is an accomplished creative professional and the director and founder of STEBIAN.com, specializing in video presentation coaching, video production, and on-camera direction for business owners and thought-leaders worldwide. With extensive experience across television, film, voiceover, modeling, and corporate media. Bianca has booked lead and support roles in TV commercials, short films, television soaps, music videos, and corporate productions, working with award-winning directors and major brands. Bianca is also a seasoned voice artist, having led radio commercials, and a published fitness and lifestyle model featured on magazine covers, billboards, and national campaigns. She has represented fashion houses on the runway and in print, and is a passionate advocate for health, fitness, and social causes supporting women and youth at risk. She is exclusively represented by RBA Management.
Disclaimer: This content is For Educational and Informational Purposes Only. Not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition, disease, or illness. Not a Substitute for or to replace Medical Advice. Consult Your Physician or Health Care Provider any time you plan to make changes to your diet, eating, or exercise patterns. No Affiliation to any products mentioned or used in this content.